Sunday, 11 January 2015

What's 3km between friends?

Heard of the expression "like finding a needle in a haystack"?

yeah thought so.

Generally it refers to the slim chance of finding something.  Well what if you believed this and then that somewhat rusty needle ended up sticking you in the ass, even though you weren't looking for it. Thats a tetnus shot waiting to happen. 

Anyway, the thing about Tinder is you end up trapped in conversations with people you have no intention of meeting. So you end up being a bit confident, throw caution to wind. Whats the harm your never going to see this person? 

Come on we've all done it out of boredom or looking for an ego boost. 

That's all fine and dandy, you've been sending some flirty texts maybe exchanging a few dirty words. Then when you go back onto his tinder profile just to refresh what he looks at you notice that he's 3km, not much distance at all. Manchester's a big place what are the odds he finds you. Slim you convince yourself, and you go right back to texting. 

This leads me to my first tinder tale of the bunch. 

one I like to call... 

Do I Know you??? 

Before we start one thing you need to know about me is that I work in a supermarket, I won't tell you which but its one of the so called big 3. 

So the story goes. 

Late one night I was swiping through the eligible bachelors in my area. I got a match just your average guy, nice looking boy, your typical lad. He messaged first. 

He was a bit cheeky, a bit forward, it was late and I was bored. 

The conversation escalated quickly from 

"hi how are you" to

"I'm lonely tonight I'm sure you can entertain me"  quicker than you can say Horny. 

He asked if I had snapchat, I obliged. 


I've just realised I haven't given this fine gentleman a name. I feel I'm about to give the game away but as I said in my first post The Tinder Tales Tell All I'm going to hide the identity of the chaps by giving them a suitable dating profile name. 

I shall call this one Dick.Pic.Rik76

You've probably guessed what kind of snap chatter he was. 
The first snap I received was a full frontal dick pic, standing to attention, no shame. 
Safe to say I wasn't feeling being the live wank bank, I am not babe station. I declined to reply. 

This not deter Dick.Pic.Rik76 and for days I received cheeky morning glory's, "Just out of the shower" nudes and the classic night time horny cry for attention. Now you might think he would get bored of me and give up, move on to the next chick? nope they kept coming. 

Anyway, I was finishing work, walking out on to the shop floor I wasn't paying attention and I full on bumped into someone. (clumsiest girl in the world award goes to me). I looked up to apologise. The guy who was stood before me looked oddly familiar. He was giving me the same quizzical look. 

"hi" he said slightly sheepishly. 

"Sorry do I know you??" I inquired still wondering how I knew his face. 

"Well I definitely know you" he replied suggestively. 

I was about to scream STALKER!! When he added. 

"maybe you don't recognise me but if I showed you a picture of my penis you would."

Ahhhh it clicks. Dick.Pic.Rik76 in the flesh, wearing slightly more layers than usual. i laughed made my excuses and made a quick get away. 

I mean what is the etiquette for that situation?? How much small talk is required with a man who's penis you could describe better than the back of your own hand??? Really if anyone knows I'd love to know! 

After sharing the details of my ordeal with my bezzy midgetjem (I'm getting good at this anonymity thing) I received a snapchat. It was a penis with the caption "recognise me now?" Midgetjem almost spat out her wine. You've got to love a tryer. We laughed and went bak to guzzling our wine. 

Have you had any awkward run ins with people you'd rather not see?? 
Comment below! I'd love to read them. 

Until the next time.  Much love.



No comments:

Post a Comment