Sunday, 18 January 2015

What name is it under miss?

So I'm venturing right back to my first tinder date for this one. Almost a year ago. So let's call this one an anniversary special. 

I was still living at home so the after date perks were off limits. Most of the time. I matched IvGotThatVChicksLike, early on in my tinder career. He didn't flirt straight away. He got my number and we started texting. 

He lived a good 45 mins away, was 34 and a PE teacher. We exchanged a few pics. Nothing too saucy. He was hot, I mean strong jaw, chiseled even. His body was unreal, he clearly worked hard at it. He even had that 'V' shape, you know the one. I'd bagged myself a hottie. Way above my league. Yankee said "I was punching well above your weight. Must be the tits." Not the fact that I'm a nice person, intelligent. Etc hahha. 

With him living a bit far away. We decided to go on a date in manchester. He wanted a drink but didn't fancy getting a train. So he said he'd probably stay in a hotel. Feeling a bit brazen I said I could split it with him, if he wanted. 

So he sent me the details I said I'd show him a nice part of town for a few drinks. He had mentioned he was in to old school hip hop and I knew a few places. 

So date day came and he text me when he had checked in. We had arranged to meet at the hotel so I could drop off my bag. I drove to the hotel and he text me to let me know the room number. However, I first needed to give the desk my reg. 

The lady at the desk asked if she could help.

"Hi my friends already checked into room *** I just need to give you my reg." 

She smiled. 
"No problem I'll put you on now. What name is the room under?"

SHIT!! I didn't know his surname. How embarrassing. I panicked. 

"Oh erm I'm not sure who's it's under."

She smiled again. Why was she so smiley. Clearly she was thinking I was some kind of hooker. 

"It's ok. I'll just put it on"

"Thanks." I said. 

"It's on the 4th floor, the lift is out of order at the moment. Would you like a hand with your bags miss?" 

She was judging me. She definitely thought I was a prostitute. 

"No thanks. I'll manage." I said. 

Top tips girls and guys when you're meeting a date in a hotel get their surname!

I climbed the stairs trying to calm down after the run in with the receptionists. I was nervous the 4 million stairs didn't help. I was lugging the heaviest bag in the world, warm and red faced from embarassment. I walked up to the door. Took a deep breath checked I hadn't sweated my make up off and knocked. 

He answered with a towel loosely hanging from his hips. I just about stopped my jaw from hitting the floor. He really was hot. 

I managed to retain my cheeky wit. Making sure he saw me look him up and down. 

"Hi. Is that what you're wearing? You'll get a lot of attention." 

He laughed. Leaned over to take my bag, kissed me on the cheek and whispered "hi" a gent as well. 

This was going well already. 

To be continued. 

Much love. 



Tuesday, 13 January 2015

Can I see some ID please?

If I had to pick, I'd pick older guys everytime. 34 is a good age. Actually guys in their 30s really attract me in general. They are confident, know themselves, know where they're going, are established in their career. (Well the ones iv known were.) Also they know exactly what to do in the bedroom. The best sexual experiences iv had, have been with men in their 30s. It might have something to do with my enjoyment of of being dominated, so an older man has more of an authorative presence. If that makes sense. 

Anyway, I got slightly off topic. Where I was going with that maybe too honest confession is that, I don't usually find myself attracted to guys my own age. 

Babyfacedboy was an exception to the above rule. Technically not a baby his tinder profile said 24 older than myself. He messaged after I posted a very cleavagey moment. 
It said. 

"We should have sex. ;)" 

I guessed he was just looking for a response but he was cute/hot. In a pretty boy geek sort of way. Toned but not a gym worshipper, tall and broad. He was nice. 

"We should." I replied. 

"I was being cheeky, :o but ok if you want too." 

"I was being cheeky too." I messaged back. 

We talked for a week or so. He was very like me. Not looking for anything serious. Didn't mind that I saw other people. (I'll post more about that soon.) He was a bit more inexperienced than what I was used too.  

We decided to have a few drinks at mine. When I went down to let Babyfaceboy in because he couldn't get the intercom to work. He seemed nervous. 

"Hi. I swear I tried to buzz in." 

I laughed told him not to worry and to come in. 

"I've never done this before. Gone to a girls house... Well not sober anyway." He announced on the walk up to my first floor flat. 

I thought he was inexperienced but wow. What had I got myself into. 

"I have wine so." 

He loved the flat. We drank some wine. We chatted about life, girls, boys. Then we moved on to his inability to grow facial hair. I said. 

"You do look really young." 

He laughed, the wine had made his cheeks rosey. 

"I know it's annoying." 

"At least when you're 40 you'll still look 30. I said. 

He turned to me. Straight faced and said. 

"What would you do if I was 17??"

My heart dropped. SHIT! He lied on Facebook. Oh my god. Iv got a 17 year old drunk in my kitchen. He must have seen my mind going crazy. 

"I'm joking. I am 24." 

All i could see was his baby face. Before I thought about what I was saying. I blurted. 

"Do you have any ID?" 

He laughed. 

"Yeah sure." 

He produced his drivers liscence. He was indeed 24. 

Oh thank god. 

"What would you have done if I was 17?" He asked.   

I said dead pan. 

"I would have made you leave. Even with Sunday buses. Then I'd have told you to call me once you turned 21."  

We laughed. I was sat on the kitchen counter. He walked over. 

"Your hot when your being serious." And he kissed me. 

We ended up having a really fun night. He definitely was an exception to the rule of great sex only happening with over 30s. 

We remain in contact and to be honest I think we are genuine friends. . . Who bonk now and again. (More Babyfaceboy stories will follow.) 

Has your youthful look ever got you into trouble? 

Or have you like me ever ID'd anyone? 

Much love 


Signing off. 


Sunday, 11 January 2015

What's 3km between friends?

Heard of the expression "like finding a needle in a haystack"?

yeah thought so.

Generally it refers to the slim chance of finding something.  Well what if you believed this and then that somewhat rusty needle ended up sticking you in the ass, even though you weren't looking for it. Thats a tetnus shot waiting to happen. 

Anyway, the thing about Tinder is you end up trapped in conversations with people you have no intention of meeting. So you end up being a bit confident, throw caution to wind. Whats the harm your never going to see this person? 

Come on we've all done it out of boredom or looking for an ego boost. 

That's all fine and dandy, you've been sending some flirty texts maybe exchanging a few dirty words. Then when you go back onto his tinder profile just to refresh what he looks at you notice that he's 3km, not much distance at all. Manchester's a big place what are the odds he finds you. Slim you convince yourself, and you go right back to texting. 

This leads me to my first tinder tale of the bunch. 

one I like to call... 

Do I Know you??? 

Before we start one thing you need to know about me is that I work in a supermarket, I won't tell you which but its one of the so called big 3. 

So the story goes. 

Late one night I was swiping through the eligible bachelors in my area. I got a match just your average guy, nice looking boy, your typical lad. He messaged first. 

He was a bit cheeky, a bit forward, it was late and I was bored. 

The conversation escalated quickly from 

"hi how are you" to

"I'm lonely tonight I'm sure you can entertain me"  quicker than you can say Horny. 

He asked if I had snapchat, I obliged. 


I've just realised I haven't given this fine gentleman a name. I feel I'm about to give the game away but as I said in my first post The Tinder Tales Tell All I'm going to hide the identity of the chaps by giving them a suitable dating profile name. 

I shall call this one Dick.Pic.Rik76

You've probably guessed what kind of snap chatter he was. 
The first snap I received was a full frontal dick pic, standing to attention, no shame. 
Safe to say I wasn't feeling being the live wank bank, I am not babe station. I declined to reply. 

This not deter Dick.Pic.Rik76 and for days I received cheeky morning glory's, "Just out of the shower" nudes and the classic night time horny cry for attention. Now you might think he would get bored of me and give up, move on to the next chick? nope they kept coming. 

Anyway, I was finishing work, walking out on to the shop floor I wasn't paying attention and I full on bumped into someone. (clumsiest girl in the world award goes to me). I looked up to apologise. The guy who was stood before me looked oddly familiar. He was giving me the same quizzical look. 

"hi" he said slightly sheepishly. 

"Sorry do I know you??" I inquired still wondering how I knew his face. 

"Well I definitely know you" he replied suggestively. 

I was about to scream STALKER!! When he added. 

"maybe you don't recognise me but if I showed you a picture of my penis you would."

Ahhhh it clicks. Dick.Pic.Rik76 in the flesh, wearing slightly more layers than usual. i laughed made my excuses and made a quick get away. 

I mean what is the etiquette for that situation?? How much small talk is required with a man who's penis you could describe better than the back of your own hand??? Really if anyone knows I'd love to know! 

After sharing the details of my ordeal with my bezzy midgetjem (I'm getting good at this anonymity thing) I received a snapchat. It was a penis with the caption "recognise me now?" Midgetjem almost spat out her wine. You've got to love a tryer. We laughed and went bak to guzzling our wine. 

Have you had any awkward run ins with people you'd rather not see?? 
Comment below! I'd love to read them. 

Until the next time.  Much love.



Saturday, 10 January 2015

The Tell All Tinder Tales

Call me crazy but iv been thinking of doing this blog for a while now. It may be brave or just stupid but here it goes. 

It occurred to me recently that whenever I meet up with my girlfriends, guy friends, work friends. . . You get the idea. We always end up talking about one thing. Sex. A completely normal topic of conversation. Right?  

However, lately I've noticed we all have one thing in common. Tinder, grindr, fling. 2014 was the official year of the dating app. A new way of meeting people was born. (Who has time to go to bars these days.). 

Now out of curiosity or peer pressure the vast majority of us have found ourselves logging on mainly to see what all the fuss was about. What we didn't expect was to get hooked. "So you're telling me there is a constant stream of men in my area that I can choose to like or dislike at the swipe of a finger? GENIUS!" If he's swiped to like me we can chat. Simple. Easy. Quick. A bit shallow. I loved it instantly. 

Sorry I went a bit off topic. 

So having coffee with the girls or chatting with my gay room mate. We all seem to be swapping tinder stories. (Or grindr) so I thought why not blog some of these stories. I think most of us can relate? We all have funny date stories. 

Please feel free to share yours below. I'm intrigued to see how many of you have had similar, let's call them experiences. 

Obviously I'm going to keep this pretty anonymous I mean it's quite personal and it might make my mum blush. I'm not the sort of girl to kiss and tell. . . Well I am but I won't name and shame. 

Hopefully, y'all will take this as the light hearted self deprecating fun that it is. Not all these stories are mine but I hope at the very least they make you laugh. 

A bit of background on me. My bio as it were. 

Early 20s 
Recent graduate now working 39+ hours a week in a job I don't want while I figure out what I do want. (Does that make sense?) 
Living with my gay best friend. Yankee* (*not real name anonymity purposes. He bloody loves candles though) 
Love going out. 
Mainly skint. 
Not looking for a relationship. Not against those that are. It's just not for me at the minute. 
"Having fun" aka sleeping with a few people. Safely! May I add. 

That's a lot more info than my tinder bio. 

So I've been actively "dating" using tinder for almost 12 months. So the following posts are my series of unfortunate/ fortunate events. Experiences or situations I've found myself in. Some funny. Some horrendous. Some plain odd. Iv met a few Christian Greys (without the millions unfortunately.) 

So let's get to it shall we? (No pun intended) 

I'm going to use cheesy dating profile user names to hide people's identities but I promise they will completely encapsulate the type of person they were. 

What would your cheesy dating user name be? 

Are you a chicks-before-dicks98 sort of girl or is I_heart_bearded_boys more your style? Comments welcome. 

Just.your.average.girl15 signing off for now.